Hunt and Gather Time

Ah Fall, My favorite time of year. Mother earth is full and ripe and ready to be picked and harvested before a long cold winter. The leaves rustle and pumpkins show up at the marketplace and apples turn bright red. Enough already, it's fall. My husband and I have lived in the same house we built 28 years ago. My bedroom door has every ones (children and now grandchildren)growth chart carved forever in it's center. If I ever move the door goes too. I live down the street from a little vegetable market where you can get everything from vegetable plants in the spring and mums and pumpkins in the fall. I love bartering with the owner who really is a great guy even though he loves giving me a hard time. In the end we usually part ways with a smile (me with a big old pumpkin and him with my cash). This is the time of year that when my children were small I would have carmel apples waiting for them when they got off the bus, or when I had the time warm homemade bread fresh from the oven. I always tried to have something special for them at least once a week. As soon as they hit the door they knew to put their books away and wash their hands and it was a short sit down and have a little something to eat and tell me about their day. Getting them to talk when they were little was a piece of cake. When their young their life is an open book. They tell you when something scared them, made them mad or happy. It's when they become teenagers and they learn to shut all those doors right in your face. That's when you have to get smarter. To keep your growing children out of harms way you need to get them to open up and that's not easy. Somewhere between toddler and teenager you become the enemy. Teens take it out on you for all their problems. If you think about it you are the one thing they can depend on. If you give boundaries, guidelines, curfews and what you will tolerate and firmly WON'T tolerate you teen will come to trust you. You must above all be approachable. By this I mean a teen needs to know that whatever they tell you, you will not bite their heads off (at least till their finished). They need to know that you will listen with an open mind and then discuss what is troubling them. Their worries and problems should never be belittled because to them no matter how trivial it may seem to you is big business to them. Always try putting yourself in their shoes. For the teen that sits at the dinner table stone faced ( I didn't say stoned, that's another post) you need to put together his or hers favorite dinner. Set the tone of the table conversation. Begin talking about your own day or something you may have heard and pause here and there. You are waiting for the teen to take the bait. This usually works as little by little something will spark and your teen will begin to speak. Do not, I repeat do not jump on this right away. Nod your head in agreement and do not make eye contact. They are testing the waters. If you act half way interested they will start talking, and some of the things that come out of their mouth may shock you because you had no idea of what issues they have been dealing with. Problems at school, friends and teachers, things you really needed to know about. No wonder so many teens are in trouble when parents have no idea of what their son or daughter is struggling with. Just remember to listen and always know that parenting is not a weekend or week day job. It is a 24/7 job and is not for the weak hearted. Your children will test your limits and beyond but stay fast and this will be the best job you have ever took on.....parenthood. Till next time may your gathering be fruitful....Aunt Onie